I am enjoying my PhD Adventure very much. There are ups and downs, for sure, but I cannot help but feel privileged and fortunate being able to chase this ambition of mine, to follow my dream. I know that there are a lot of people, a lot of women, who are just as capable as I am but not able to follow their own dreams, whether it be in education or anywhere else, because of a vast array of reasons. So I count my blessings and try to put everything I have into my work and PhD experience. There are, however, some challenges that I have to overcome on a daily basis in order for this to be a successful Adventure. I am sure many of you have these same challenges, and deal with them in many different ways. Here are some of mine, in no particular order.
1. Language. English is my second language. I started learning English when I was 12 years old. Before that, I may have known some phrases and words, but not a lot. I loved my English lessons. All through school I excelled at English. I went off to University and did my first Bachelors degree in English language and literature at the University of Iceland. And I did a good job. My thesis was on Jonathan Swift and his A Modest Proposal, which is probably the best satire ever written. Later, I went off to do my Masters degree in early childhood education and care, and as it was an international masters, all the courses and the thesis, was in English. And I did a very good job. English has almost become my natural language, I think in English most of the time, I obviously write a lot in English, but not only academic stuff, sometimes I will write my grocery list in English. It has just become natural to me to use that language. Don't get me wrong, I am making sure that I keep my Icelandic roots, but English is my day-to-day language and therefore it has taken over my brain, I suppose. But it is not my native language. And I do sometimes struggle with it. I obviously have an accent, which apparently sound Scandinavian! My accent differs from situations to situations. Sometimes it is very strong. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes I am lost for words. Even though my vocabulary is quite big, sometimes I cannot find the words I need in that particular situation. And that can be very frustrating. In these last few months, I have found that my vocabulary is getting bigger and more sophisticated. So that is great. But writing a doctoral dissertation, around 100.000 words, in English, will take effort. I am more than willing to do the work, but sometimes it feels difficult and frustrating. This is, however, a challenge I am more than willing to take on and quite capable as well!
2. Being 17000 km from home! I googled it and that is the distance I was given between New Zealand and Iceland! It is hard being so far away from the people you love. For me, what I find the hardest, is the time difference. I am 12 hours ahead of Iceland and Ireland, and 13 hours ahead of Norway. So I cannot just call people when I feel like it. They might be sleeping or at work when I am relaxing at home, feeling like Skyping, chatting on Facebook or calling them on the phone. Or I might be trying to work during day time here while they would love to talk. And of course the knowledge that I cannot just jump on a plane on go home for the weekend, like I could while living in Oslo. So this is definitely a challenge. I am obviously tackling it by going to Iceland for my data collection (among other reasons) so that should help somewhat. But as I am not planning on moving back to Iceland on a permanent basis in the near future, this is a challenge I will have to take on for the long run. I guess 'make one's bed and lie in it' is referring to exactly this situation!
3. My personality! I am an introvert. Which will make me a very good researcher because I can spend for ever just reading and writing, and just spending my free time with people I already know and feel comfortable with. But one of the goals of PhD is networking. You need to get to know other people in your field, both to build your own reputation, but also to collaborate on projects, to make connections that can help you get funding as well as help you get a job after you finish. So I am going out of my comfort zone by doing this PhD. My comfort zone has been getting bigger and bigger for the last 12 years, when I got fed up with my insecurities and shyness and just had to do something about this fear I had of social interactions. I took public speaking classes, even took part in a public speaking competition with my local JCI chapter, which we won. I also took classes on project management and how to organise and manage meetings. I sat on the board of my JCI chapter and tried to do my best to organise events and learn how to be more social. I was also a union rep at my job. I played in a solo recital when I was doing my piano exams, a whole concert with Chopin, Bach, Beethoven and others. I was my class rep for one year of my masters programme. I sang duets in my choir in Oslo. I sang solo in a master class with my singing teacher and fellow students. I sat on the board of the Icelandic Association in Oslo and organised a couple of event through them. And now I am working with Sherrie, and hopefully others, to create social and academic events for us and our fellow PhD students at the Faculty of Education. And I am even contemplating becoming a board member (or at least a volunteer) at the Post Graduate Student Association at the uni. I actually went to a Pizza night earlier today, with the PGSA (didn't have any pizza though!), although I actually hate these kind of events. There is nothing as terrifying to me as small talk. Seriously! It is the worst thing in the world. And none of my closest friends were going to this event, I knew Carrie, the outgoing president of PGSA, whom I know, was going to be there, and maybe a few others that I kind of know, but the whole situation just made me very nervous. I almost walked past the place. I actually did walk past the place. But then I turned back and faced my fears. And it was fine. I managed to have some small talk, and thankfully almost everybody wanted to talk about being a PhD student anyway, so there was plenty to talk about. This is a challenge I am taking on with all my might, I am sure it will be difficult and even painful at times, but I refuse to let my insecurities and old baggage drag me down. So here I am, expanding my comfort zone centimetre by centimetre!
I could probably go on and on about the things I find challenging and difficult. But I won't. Indeed, I think my next post will be about the positive things about my Adventure. Not that those challenges are negative. I am learning and growing as a person, as an academic as well as professionally, so I love those challenges. They are what makes this PhD Adventure worth it. And it is worth it. I have no doubt at all. Magic happens at the end of your comfort zone. And I love magic :)
Bryndis
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